A collection of the two food reviews I did but was too lazy to write up as well as FOUR reviews done in ONE night. Get ready... this is going mangos...
Canned, so, gonna be a different experience
The smell is like piss
Very sweet orangey pods
Small sip
Hmmm
Well it tastes like 7up
And
There's a hint of candy cherry in there
And heavy orange and like
A hint of cantaloupe?
I know everything is mormon nowadays and this isn’t cream but there’s like a hint of some sort of cream in there
Many hints
First big sip (after many small sips)
Eh
It's alright
I'm gonna finish this
Now I've never had Dubai chocolate in my life
I'm a Dubai anti
But I saw this and it looked so garish
So now I'm eating it
Tastes like chocolate dough
And I'm
Kinda like a waffle cone with chocolate
More of the ice cream now
Yeah I guess the pistachios noticeable
I like pistachio so
My fingies are cold
Final bite
The dough + ice cream concept is strange dunno if I'm a fan
The pistachio is kind of overpowering, there's very little to the dough
Not even a rich pistachio either
It's no Hailey Bieber Erewhon smoothie I'll just say that
Between each drink, to cleanse my palate,
Walmart Garlic Naan Bites
And Walmart Hot Honey Hummus
Not at all a neutral taste but
Man I'm hungry
Mountain Dew Trolli Mango Pineapple Punch
The smell is kinda just slightly sweeter and cooler Baja Blast
A tinyyyy bit of artificiality in there
First small sip
Oh
Okay
Swishing it around
Some mango
Some pineapple
But a lot lot lot of fruit punch
Aftertaste is mostly fruit punch. Tiny bit of pineapple
Bigger sip
The first hit is almost entirely fruit punch + pineapple, no mango
Then after that it fades to Just Pineapple
Once the full attack is over
The back of your throat is fruit punch and like 2% mango
But on your tongue is pineapple
Now that it's warmer and been in there and calmed
It's a bit more mango
Just swallowed
The initial hit is mango and fruit punch
Aftertaste...
pineapple
Tiny tiny sip
Almost taste nothing on its lonesome
Just the hardness of the pineapple
And the quite dull fruit punch
However the immediately-after-swallowing rush up your throat is super duper mango
In fact this mango taste stays for quite a while.
Oh I've got a burp coming
The burp was fruit punch and a bit of mango but with the sting of pineapple
Overall: quite good!
The flavor scientists knocked it out of the park
Nothing immediately Trolli about it other than the fact it's very artificially-sweet and so when I imagine "Trolli" I can imagine it tastes like Trolli
Moving on... to Zero Sugar Mountain Dew Trolli Mango Pineapple Punch
The smell: basically the exact same
A hint more fruit punch?
But that might just be my mind
Small sip
Oh
It's nasty
It's offensively nasty
So
Okay
When I was first diagnosed with my kidney cancer 14 years ago
I was in the hospital, OSU Children's, for two straight weeks
Give or take, this is just my memory
And every morning
They made me take some liquid medicine
Which was the grossest medicine I've ever had to take
There are many gross medicines you take when you have cancer
The most frequent one for me was tracer fluid for PET scans
Anything solely fake Fruit Punch has a quite difficult ramp to climb because the tracer fluid was in fact fruit punch flavored
And it was quite bad and also I have like years of memories of drinking that when I didn't want to, but had to, for a PET scan
(which I didn't like, I did not like PET scans)
And
Not ignoring that, because this does make this worse, because it's fake Fruit Punch,
That horrible-tasting liquid medicine that I took, first two weeks of having been diagnosed with cancer as an 8-year-old
I don't even remember what it tastes like
And I can't describe the taste
But when I drink this
It reminds me of that
I'm going in for a bigger sip
The very start of the attack is fine, it's just pineapple
Okay I've figured it out
Once it all fades
In your mouth
It's just generic fruit punch
But up from my throat
When I exhale
Or
Do anything
Plumes
It's quite fucking bad
I'm a little nauseous?
However, in the sake of journalistic integrity and my fair treatment to all drinks, I will be taking a tiny tiny sip.
Okay immediately after initial attack
It just tastes like Juicy Fruit
Wrigley's Juicy Fruit
Aftertaste too
I don't know why it's sooooo bad in bigger doses
I'm going in for a regular one to double check
No yeah in a bigger dose it's still nausea-inducing
How strange!
Moving on (and not drinking any more of this)
After-aftertaste is just tracer fluid tracer fluid tracer fluid
Like what the fuck is Sprite Chill
Sprite Chill, the coldest-est lemon-lime flavored soda in the game featuring a cherry lime taste and a unique cooling effect.
Apparently they also make Mango Citrus
Mmmmm
I'm fine with no more Mango flavors
I'm STILL mourning Pepsi Mango
Smell is like Sprite Cranberry but with Cherry instead
Like
Mostly Sprite with some fruity hint
But the fruity is giving cherry
First sip
Okay
Tastes like Sprite
I guess there's cherry
It makes my tongue sting a lot
Like maybe it's cold?
It's good
I'm just like
I guess I'm at a loss for words but not in a good way
Just a neutral way
It's sprite
It makes my tongue feel weird as shit
That's negative
My tongue feels like slightly poked everywhere
And a little bit hot
And like there's a bit of a cool sensation when I breathe in
But mostly just like
Stinging it's very uncomfortable
Other than that it's like
Sprite with a bit of cherry
And the aftertaste is like
Sprite
With a bit of cherry?
I'm so confused by this stinging
Eughhhh
I don't know man
I have now put the Mountain Dew Normal in the fridge and poured the other two down the drain, so if my drain is conscious it is going to taste tracer fluid and begin feeling an uncomfortable stinging sensation
I planned to review a Pepsi Probiotic that I saw and bought at Walmart but unfortunately my tongue now stings so that will have to wait
You know now that I've tasted that tracer fluidlike I'm having this hot honey hummus and thinking "this is sweet like tracer fluid" so
No more hot honey hummus tonight
Death to Zero Sugar Mountain Dew Trolli Mango Pineapple Punch
Let's just get straight in
Smells like Pepsi
It does not fucking taste like Pepsi
Wt
F
It's like
There's this rockiness to it
And like
Seltzer Water taste
There is a Pepsiness to it
Just
Only in the attack
It is so strange
Like a third, secret Pepsi in the Pepsi, Diet Pepsi series
Even further from Normal Pepsi
Superdiet Pepsi
Nuh uh not good
To the drain it goes
Poor drain getting so many bad drinks tonight ):
That's all! More in the pipeline whenever I see something interesting.